The Weakends

It seems this week that I'm allowing myself to take a step back from the basic worries that always rest so intently on my mind. I have next absolutely zero money to my name yet continue to go out and make the most of the moments I can for the sake of it, such moments included a trip to London on election night, fun was had by all but I am undecided as to whether this lifestyle change is doing me any good yet. The weekend past saw me and the rest of Amy Can Flyy head into the studio for two days of demoing potential new songs and rehearsing for our summer UK dates.In all honesty I was looking forward to spending some time back in our quiet country retreat for the sake of some time away to finally separate myself from the negativity's that had been gripping my thoughts a week previously. The weekend was productive on the whole but ending in some serious reality checks it certainly gave us some goals to aim for in the next few months.





I can safely say I have never been able to convey my thoughts and feelings very well, for the last 6 years I have lacked the power to talk comfortably about how I'm feeling or discuss anything personal without freaking out over the minor discrepancy's that run so freely through my thought pattern.Failing that I will cut myself short as a result of me feeling like a self indulgent weirdo who's problems don't register in the grand scheme of things. Ive always tried to distance myself from those sentiments and in time Ive managed to subtly intergrate them into apart of my every day routine without even realising, until recently. Ive also realised its amazing how much seeing yourself in someone else can effect you and on the other hand show me that I shouldn't be handing out advice that I am so in need of yet so incapable of taking myself. The problem I'm facing right now is that I'm battling against a whole multitude of reasons and insecurities that are simply telling me to forget about the thoughts I'm having, and I'm sure I probably will. I just wish I wouldn't deny myself the courage to face the possibilities of a negative response just for once as I don't think my reflection has ever looked so good.

Do You Feel Better Yet?

In my last post It was abundantly obvious that my commitment to this blog had been slacking, as a result I promised to post more and try and keep a more up to date record of the shocking events that tie together to create my life, this in its very essence is me keeping that promise. Its been a odd week, I'm currently on a health kick, trying to lose a few pounds and tone up my alcohol batted body, I'm really committed this time round and with the help of scenic bike rides across Bournemouth sea front with Fuzz and my new found love for chicken salad I'm starting to see small results, so fingers crossed I can keep it up.



I cant say Ive done much this week of any real relevance, needless to say Ive think Ive discovered a lot about myself, tonight especially. I find I put myself into situations for the sake of it, I convince myself for a small amount of time that I am totally dependant on something or someone to function, when in actual fact, I'm happier and way more separated from drama when I'm on my own. Ive let certain people convince me that I'm that bad guy in those old black and white movies twisting his moustache menacingly while the metaphorical train that is my apparent persona comes hurtling towards the trapped damsel in distress while I just sit back and laugh. The truth of is, most of the time its the "damsel" herself that's the underlining issue, sometimes realising that you've been stuck in a low budget black and white movie for the last year and a half is the pinnacle point that ushers you not to feel guilty for no reason anymore. Needless to say after a brief freak out tonight, I'm looking forward to seeing my life in colour from now on.

I don't really have much more to say for now, going to keep it short and sweet. Heading into the studio all weekend with the guys to write and rehearse, a nice bit of musical male bonding should be delightful way to start the month of May I think. Watch this space.