It seems its been months yet again since I have updated anything on here. I guess for the last ten months or so I haven't felt the need to verbalise mythoughts and ideas. I was at a stage in my life where for the first time in a long while I knew what I wanted and the process that kept my thoughts so active and drenched in self exsposition were for a time, at rest.
In the last month or so I have been making my best attempts to bring my life to some sense of order and routine, Its a different approach to things and at times its a welcome change from the ever unpredictability and instablity that I always found myself in. Needless to say at points I do find myself crawling up the walls and asking if the routine way of living is really for me, It would seem that I found my own brand of stability and content in my orginal unpredictable way of living.Im finding a shit storm of anxiety and discontent pouring down over what I thought would help clear old discomforts and aches. This Leads me to ask the question, do I just enjoy living in this storm ive created?
I feel now as if the last 10 months of my life have been a huge blur, The thing that made me see the good in my surroundings and in a similair sense the good in myself, have since departed.Its a frustrating feeling that has left me ever the cynic I have been for years, unable to trust in the unknown. I was living as if I was in a key moment in my life, the moment where everything changes, problems resolve and negativity subsides for good. Looking back it would seem I was just infact apart of someone elses moment, a stop gap for someone in which they would learn more about themselves and how to better their own life and I guess in turn learn how to fix the troubles they had with people in their life when they met me. I was playing a supporting roles in a film I thought was my own. The special things that I held so dear cant help but seem tainted now. I always thought it might all end like this, but never wanted to believe it would.
The band have just about finished recording our brand new ep that we have been spending a long time on purely just to make sure we are totally happy with the final outcome, I'm finding myself itching to dive into band work and enjoying the inspiration that negativuty seems to bring out in me. This is just the beggining for Amy Can Flyy and I have never been more exited. Above is the video from our recent run of shows with the lovely dutch boys Only Seven Left. Enjoy.
Sunday 8 May 2011
Thursday 6 January 2011
About Falling
With Christmas and New Year feeling like a distant bloated memory behind me, I have no choice but to uncomfortably absorb myself in the seasonal need for change and improvement. I can't say I thought about resolutions in any real depth this year, its been six years since my brother was sadly taken from me and the rest of my family on New Years Eve 2004 and in two days I will be 21, an age my brother was only months off hitting before he was killed. Its because of this awkwardly somber tone that I feel the need to evaluate what I have been doing with my life for the last few years.
I have always taken risks and ignored all dissenting opinion on my lifestyle choice.I guess I have always lived my life in a certain respect, I know what I want from life and I'm going to make my best attempt at getting what I want out of it, enjoying every single moment on the way like it was the last. Never the less, Ive been left asking myself If I am really still cut out for everything.Am I going to make those I have lost proud of me? Is the hectic run of whats been apart of me for as long as I want to remember finally started becoming the vocation I never wanted to be stuck with. I honestly cannot say for sure, my head is in a state of composed pandemonium that I am yet to take time to work out.
Maybe its just the January blues setting in, perhaps I haven't stuffed myself with enough festive cheer this year, I really don't know.As January floods In, I find my feelings on particular friendships fading to a dull aversion and general lack of respect, It has me left with a awkward taste on my tongue that has me wanting to scream home truths at those who painfully need to hear them. I appear to have lost what I gained in 2010 already and I guess the untimely exit of these things has left me with a slightly cynical and confused outlook on things. Hello 2011.
I have always taken risks and ignored all dissenting opinion on my lifestyle choice.I guess I have always lived my life in a certain respect, I know what I want from life and I'm going to make my best attempt at getting what I want out of it, enjoying every single moment on the way like it was the last. Never the less, Ive been left asking myself If I am really still cut out for everything.Am I going to make those I have lost proud of me? Is the hectic run of whats been apart of me for as long as I want to remember finally started becoming the vocation I never wanted to be stuck with. I honestly cannot say for sure, my head is in a state of composed pandemonium that I am yet to take time to work out.
Maybe its just the January blues setting in, perhaps I haven't stuffed myself with enough festive cheer this year, I really don't know.As January floods In, I find my feelings on particular friendships fading to a dull aversion and general lack of respect, It has me left with a awkward taste on my tongue that has me wanting to scream home truths at those who painfully need to hear them. I appear to have lost what I gained in 2010 already and I guess the untimely exit of these things has left me with a slightly cynical and confused outlook on things. Hello 2011.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
